Creative Path, Part II — Finding Courage
Let me start with a true story
It was a sunny Wednesday morning in Sydney, August 16th, 2017. Holding a cup of warm coffee in one hand, I opened my laptop with the other, and noticed an email from the Canadian government. After a year-long wait, I had finally received an invitation to become a permanent resident.
In fact, I had already given up waiting, and had set my mind on building a life in Australia. I had been living in Melbourne for 6 months, and was visiting Sydney in August. In September, I was about to start a new job. I had made a lot of good friends, and had secured a room in a shared house located in a laid-back neighbourhood bounded by the ocean. The summer was about to start. Life seemed to be smiling at me. Yet there I was, sitting on a deck overlooking Sydney Harbour, already dreaming of my next adventure.
Moving to Canada was a long-time dream but it meant leaving behind a solid community of people and choosing for uncertainty. On top of that, the invitation stated that I had to arrive in Canada with at least $10,000 in my bank account to be able to survive in the first few months without an income. The invitation would also expire on January 23rd of 2018, which was just 5 months away.
My heart told me it was the right thing to do. I ruminated for a week about my next steps, and decided my best bet was to fly back to Belgium and figure out a way to earn that 10K. Worst case, I would not be able to collect the money and would return to Australia after.
Leaving behind all the beautiful people I had met was tough, but the prospects of a new adventure were exhilarating. I got so excited, I didn’t even give my mind the chance to worry about it. My intentions were clear, and there was a solid deadline. All the rest I left up to chance. Before arriving to Belgium on Wednesday, September 20th, I had managed to send out a few resumers for a contract position. Miraculously, I managed to line up an interview on Thursday 21st, and I still don’t understand how lucky I got when I signed the contract the next day, on Friday 22nd, with a salary higher than I had ever received before. Life was offering me opportunities and I just had to accept them. Everything went so smoothly I didn’t even realize how fortunate I was until a few months later. And if all of that wasn’t really enough, the company owner also offered me a temporary loft-apartment in the city centre of Antwerp, where I could stay until January.
Fast forward, I left my contract position on January 16th and hopped on my flight on January 18th to Vancouver, Canada. It took me exactly 4 months to collect the money and prepare myself for the big move to my new home. And it all worked out in the end.
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I’m looking back at this experience with wonder and confusion. Ever since then, I haven’t been able to walk through life as smoothly as I did in that short period of time. It was truly a miracle that everything literally fell in my lap at exactly the moment I needed it most. For years I’ve kept wondering what it was about that moment in my life that made everything seem so easy and spontaneous. It’s only in the last few months that I’ve discovered the explanation for this phenomenon. The Taoist spiritual teachers call it ‘creative quietude’ or ‘wu wei’. Doing by being:
In stead of focusing on a predetermined fixed goal, you try to sense which way things are moving and how we best fit into that movement. The idea is to focus on the process in stead of the end goal. Trying to approach life in this manner you tend to achieve more with less effort.
After leaving Australia, I didn’t worry if things would work out or not because both scenarios seemed attractive. Either a new life in uncertainty or a familiar life with good friends, the beach and the perfect climate. I had a clear idea of what needed to be done and where the end goal was, I just didn’t know how I was going to get there. All I could do was trust the process and have an attractive plan B. (I have elaborated more in-depth on these steps in the article right here)
COURAGE
The story above comes as close as I could ever get to what courage means for me. Brené Brown says the definition of the word courage has changed over time but originates from Latin, meaning ‘to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart’. The Villagers even wrote a song about courage, and I think the lyrics tell it all:
It took a little time to get where I wanted
It took a little time to get free
It took a little time to be honest
It took a little time to be meCourage
In harmony with something other than your ego
Courage
The sweet belief of knowing nothing comes for free
Do you really wanna know
About these lines on my face?
Well, each and every one is testament to
All the mistakes I've had to make
To find courage
One thing is to believe in yourself that whatever it is you want will eventually happen, but there are also a few things you can do to make the journey more comfortable. Your energy, resources, time, money and possibly your reputation are all going to be at stake. So do the work and then let go. To avoid for the paralysis of my fears taking over my life I follow two strategies.
ONE - observe others
It’s really hard to step into the unknown without any knowledge of what is already out there. What has been done by others, what did they go through to get there and where did they start? I tend to get obsessed with finding out as much as I can about that thing I want to do.
The first step is to look for people I admire and explore their stories. Personal stories humanize us. They make us realize we are more alike than different. We need that connection to feel that we are part of a big whole. I have so much to thank for the personal stories of my mentors whom I even never really met. I discovered them through books, podcasts and articles. The many stories of others have shaped the person I am today and I am endlessly grateful for those people. Our role models offer us an understanding of what is possible in life and give us the courage to start taking action on our own paths.
Research — find facts and data that show in an objective way that it’s possible. Open google and start typing in keywords, read articles, blog posts, magazines, etc. Just to get an idea of who else out there has achieved success and the results they are getting.
Observe — find people you relate to and listen to how they did it. Are there others out there who live a similar lifestyle? Have they been able to succeed? How does their story relate to yours? My method for observing is mostly through podcast conversations with accomplished people to immerse myself into their stories, their losses and their wins.
Here is a selection of my favourite podcasts:
- The Good Life project
- The Tim Ferriss Show
- On Being with Krista Tippett
- Desert Island DiscsTalk — connect with people you trust, maybe someone with a degree or license in your discipline of practice. My advice is to not just trust in people who appear famous and shiny on the surface. Dig deeper and do your research before you put your faith into someone.
TWO - gather your tribe
Here’s my thing with people: I love them but I can’t spend too much time with them. I guess I am one of those introverted creatures who like to spend time inside my own head or roaming around in nature. But at the same time, I can’t imagine living by myself somewhere far away in a cabin hidden in the woods. I need others to come along on my journey of life. I need people who can pick me up once I hit rock bottom. Those who remind me why I’m on this path in the first place. Those who cheer me up, or give me a push to restart my engines. Those who come along with me, side by side, seeking their own answers. And even those who poke me and challenge my own assumptions. They are not all one and the same person. I meet them unintentionally, having no expectations at all, but realizing after how important they were on my path. Sometimes the relationships fade, but the memories stay.
Sometimes it’s easy to look past the value of every person we encounter. Keeping in mind the different roles that all these people can play helps me be more present for anyone ever crossing my path. To stay open for the possibility of a kindred spirit having been sent my way to help me achieve my full potential.
There is always that community of close friends that understands what you’re doing and share your values. They are always there to cheer you up and give you a little push. Your community is a safe place where you can be yourself, where you are accepted for all your imperfections and you're celebrated for your victories.
Mentors are the people who also understand your values and see the person you really are, sometimes even sooner than you see yourself. They don’t necessarily cheer you up but rather guide you through the darkness of uncertainty. They might have had similar experiences, are usually older than you or just simply wiser. You will need them throughout your whole life so cherish them and respect them.
Challengers will provoke you once in a while, just to make sure you’re not kidding yourself. If they truly are a friend they will challenge you out of love and not out of fear. Their intentions are good, but their language may sometimes be harsh at first. But you need them to touch that sensitive snare within yourself that will awaken the desire to persevere.
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To end, I’d like to share a passage from ’The hero with a thousand faces’ by Joseph Campbell, which I believe holds the totality of what courage embodies:
Furthermore, we have not even to risk the adventure alone; for the heroes of all time have gone before us; the labyrinth is thoroughly known; we have only to follow the thread of the hero-path. And where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god; where we had though to slay another, we shall slay ourselves; where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the centre of our own existence; where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world.
In my previous post, I spoke about a compass I use to cultivate self-awareness. In the next post I will further explore the last building block of the framework: